Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
