How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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