I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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