did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
cat food counts as protein by the way
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have post one night stand depression
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
