Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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