normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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