peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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