woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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