just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
