Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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