Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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