Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
