I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
