You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
