so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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