I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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