just tell him i said nine months
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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