i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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