It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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