I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
