I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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