Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
