I want to have your abortion
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
50% drunk capacity currently
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize