Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
