you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
