cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
