She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
