WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
