No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
