I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
