i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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