yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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