one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
