So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize