Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
