A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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