I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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