i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
