I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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