Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
