Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
