nut hugger
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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