You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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