can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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