Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
