You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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