so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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