Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
