She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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