OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
