If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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