I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
