She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i now understand why vodka
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