my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
