There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
