my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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