can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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