"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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