True but thats because hes a fetus.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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