Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
