my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
