You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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