alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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