dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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