omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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