I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
