Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
