dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
