She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
