He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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