just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
