the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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