Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
