im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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