im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
