Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize