Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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