he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
